I’m pretty lost for words right now. As an Irishman, you can be pretty sure I know my drink and my bars but wow! This was just mad. I’ve travelled over 90,000km on this trip and in all the cities and in all the countries I’ve visited, nothing even comes close. You would walk by this place and never know what you’ve missed but I’m about to change that for all of you. This is a secret that deserved to not be a secret

Kagaya

With a tiny sign saying “Frog is stranger than fiction”, I got curious and stumbled down the stairs with my friend Sarah in a tiny street in Shinbashi, Tokyo. We were hungry but heard screams coming from below, thus the curiosity got the better of us! Tripping lightly down the steps, we are met with a man with a maddening look. Mark, who runs the place entirely by himself, does things differently.
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The ordeal began when he stood in front of me and began throwing his hands in the air and screaming with every breath he had. He then slowly inched towards me in his socks, chanting like a mad man and shaking his head ferociously. He then gets super close and is literally rubbing his head into mine. Then, as if nothing had just happened, he gets up with a completely straight face and walks to the bar.
A few moments later, a large robot is placed on the floor. Mark starts up with a squeaky voice, whips a remote out of his apron and the robot slams forward into out table throwing two wet towels at us. Mark then grabs a menu, turns it into a telescope, starts pressing imaginary buttons on the wall and takes on the role of a robot menu delivery man. Scoping out a target, he starts wanking the menu, brings it to Sarah to make it ‘hard’ again before slamming it into my groin and shaking the hell out of me.

At this point, I can barely breath I’m in such convulsions of laughter! Can barely breath until I open the menu. It’s an old book with the middle pages torn out. Here, written in crayon in the handwriting style of a two year old was the drinks menu. You pick a drink and a country.

Which ever country you pick, it seems to unlock a style of delivery. Mark goes away to prepare the beers we ordered only to return from a closet with an octopus on his head and a carnival type attire (I selected Brazil, Olympics and all that being the trend of the moment). He begins salsa dancing and running around the place screaming and jumping at people. He eventually grabs our phones, starts licking the cameras and rubbing his crotch area while humping our phones. Not. Making. This. Up!!!

Eventually the drinks arrive. I go to pick up my glass and the whole thing starts vibrating. He’s attached some wobbly unit to the bottom meaning my drink is wobbling everywhere and I can barely put it to my lips. The whole place erupts in laughter.
A menu soon arrives in another spectacular displace of madness. This time there are four stories and each one has a different price tag. When ready to order, you have to read it to Mark. He in fact made me sing it to him several times. When satisfactory, our order was on the way. The food was amazing!
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So now I’m entertained and well fed. Then something happened. Mark disappeared into the room where he keeps his props and places a large painting of a frog at the door. Next he begins to put on a puppet show introducing us to his cousin Dick and soon after, Dick AKA Mark in a frog suit, pops out and runs around face fucking us all with a teddy frog. Not even joking…
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Before getting the cheque Mark is at it again, he’s drawn a picture of my face on a piece of paper. Surprised at why I never got a receipt, he had actually forgotten to put the price on his home made receipt. Mark genuinely get so caught up in it all. He presented it to us with a vibrating toy bull who’s jacket opens to reveal a small vibrating toy willy holding our receipt.
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It can be rather tricky to get a picture of Mark due to him running around the restaurant at light speed!

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I asked Mark how he got into it all, 27 years he’s been running the place and making insane acts of performance for his guests. Before that, it was his mother and fathers place. A real genuine fellow who makes a very unique experience for people who come there. We paid up, said our goodbyes. He warned of street ninjas and then bid us farewell. Honestly a great experience in Tokyo and do glad I went. We were chatting about it walking down the street before Mark jumps out behind a tree with a shoehorn and begins performing ninja moves. In tears of laughter again as we walked home. If you go to Tokyo and don’t go here, you are missing out on the maddest, craziest, most insane, obscure dining and drinking experience in Tokyo.