There are two things most of us love: food and sex. Hell two at the same time is often a bonus. When travelling, you’re out being social most of the time, well depending on where you are at least. You won’t find many pub crawls in India for example. Anyway, it’s inevitable that eventually the idea of getting lucky or a travel romance crosses your mind. It’s only a matter of time. However, as a budget traveller, you might find it pretty tricky to get away from prying eyes in a hostel. When left with no other choice though, there are ways to do it without making everyone else’s stay there a living hell. Sex is natural and you are going to do it anyway, so here are some handy tips you can keep in the back of your mind for your next hosteling adventure.

Do

1 – Wear a condom

It’s common sense but after many beers and a sullen kebab, you may not be thinking with all your wits around you. No one wants an awkward Facebook message about Chlamydia or an unwanted pregnancy a few weeks down the line. Let the romp stay on holiday and play safe. Many hostels will sell them in the toilets or if you are being social enough someone will lend you one surely.

2 – Go 50:50

Many hostels have a private room and it will still be rather cheap if you got half with the other person. Now you have some privacy, you can smash each others brains out until you knock yourselves out. This is a little harder to do on a one night stand but if you know it’s coming, prepare.

3 – Laundry Room

This is a great place to get away for a cheeky sex-capade. It’s rarely occupied in the middle of the day as most tend to the washing in the morning to get some daytime drying. It’s also usually near the roof top or an out of the way place. Hell, do it on the tumble drier for some added vibrations.

4 – Roof terrace

Many hostels have a roof top. Noise won’t travel into any of the rooms downstairs and if you think about it, you now have a stellar view to contemplate just how much fun you are having. This is not a story for the grandkids. However, do avoid the railings and check the area our first for any late night smokers. Doing it on the roof top will give you a shag with a view.

5 – Bathroom

This hands down, the best place to do it. In fact even better if you can get you both in the shower. It might heat up a little in the confined space but lets be honest, you can both just wash down afterwards and it might even get a little romantic/playful if that’s your sort of thing. Be careful where you put that shower head guys!

6 – Temporary privacy curtain

Ok, so you’ve exhausted every other area and have decided that the only way to do it is to enter stealth mode and try it in the dorm room. I don’t advise it as no one wants to see your arse cheeks wobbling up and down in the early hours of the morning. However, if you are going to…at least get a sheet from one of your beds and hang it down from the top bunk so you at least have a bit of coverage. Also, go slow, it makes less noise and no lady wants a jack hammer gentlemen… don’t believe Brazzers.com.

7 – Good timing

If you get your timing right you won’t have too many nosey parkers checking you out. Too early is a terrible idea as people are getting up to catch trains, buses and tours. The afternoon is usually when people come back to catch up on social media and rest up before heading out for the night. However, midday most dorms are completely empty and very late at night no-one is roaming around the hostel so you know where people will be. Use this to your advantage.

Don’t

1 – Top Bunk

It’s not rocket science that having sweet love in the top bunk with two people will send the bloody thing swaying all over the place. This make a whole lot of noise and god bless the person underneath you getting indirectly smashed.

2 – Common Areas

They are common areas for a reason and even if they are empty, it wont be long until someone wanders in. No matter how careful you are under that poncho, everyone will know you weren’t sleeping. It’s also not great to have to come back after a long day out seeing the sights only to land in on top of someones mess.

3 – Tag In

This one is being added in purely due to personal experience. Don’t let your imagination run too far but a spectacle I got to witness after a drunken night out, seen a foursome take place on the floor of our hostel room. One guest got a little carried away and tried to steal into the pool of people flailing about on the dorm’s floor. That didn’t go down well. Bring your own partner please.

4 – Consent

This is a rather serious one and something that should be taken seriously. If a girl or guy says no then it generally means no. Even if they don’t say no, it’s the magic word YES that you are looking for here. It’s the sexiest thing in the world when you know someone wants you so look for that and follow it. Don’t pester someone, you have to share a living space with them and no-one wants to sleep with one eye open. It just makes everything awkward. You don’t want that do you?

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