I’ve travelled over 80,000km while travelling the last 10 months. Having arrived in Tokyo a few days ago, I wanted to see what the most unusual, bizarre and weird things that were available. I’ve done pretty much every shrine, temple, museum, park and Tripadvisor attraction so I thought that this time I’d dig a little deeper and see just how dark Tokyo can be. Tokyo did not let me down. You can get lost in the weird world of Tokyo without ever having to visit any of the usual boring spots. Here is a list of just a few I paraded through and some pictures to help you decide which ones you should do:
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Owl Cafe

I say cafe but if you consider a mini fridge full of drinks and snacks a cafe then maybe. However, we both know that you’re not going here for the outstanding food. Owl cafe lets you play with a variety of owls for an hour, pose for photos and stroke them. You’ll pay 1500Y (€/$15) on a weekday or 1800Y on a weekend. However, I only asked to go in for 20 minutes on peak time and they gave me half price. The guys are amazing and will put owls all over you! Great “owl” time!
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Having a great “Owl” time!

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Maidreamin

I swear this is for grown ups. If you fancy having a very young girl dressed up as an even younger girl come to serve you snacks and drinks then this is right up your alley. In a country where pornographic imagery of young girls is perfectly fine if in cartoon form, regardless of how graphic it can be, a fetish for men drolling over school girls has become the norm. So much so you’ll find stores of cartoon porn with floor after floor of posters, magazines, stickers and graphic novels. There are loads in the Akihabara district that you can try and you won’t have to look hard to find them with all the maids out promoting in the street, jumping around looking like they’re on steroids and screaming in a high pitched voice. However, I tried Maidreamin on the recommendation of a friend. The elevator door opens in to a restaurant mocked up to look like a doll house. You stroll in, get led to your seat and a few moments later are met with your maid who makes you do all sorts of cutesy girly things that are honestly the most mortifying actions I’ve had to carry out! For 2700 Yen, I got a chocolate Sundae (average), iced tea, a headband with ears on it and a photo with the maids. You can’t use your phone when in there. A complete rip off but you’ll leave feeling like you left a cult and that’s something I’ve always dreamed of…right! Are the girls hot? One of them was, the rest are so dolled up, if they sat still you might think they were one!
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The girls out promoting in the street

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IMG_7719 Yes, I am a twat. But paying 27 euro for ice cream means you make the most of it!

Uobei

I found this weird mainly due to how impersonal it was. You walk in, grab a card with a number and head to your stool with corresponding number. Sit down, face your screen and navigate through the million sushi types. Mash your fingers at the screen making up to three orders at a time. Within seconds, a tray on a chute comes sliding out of the wall and down past everyone to your eye line. Pick it off the tray, and tap your screen to send it back. 100Y for most plates so you’ll leave stuffed. Simply keep mashing the screen until you roll out the door. The only time you talk to anyone is when you shove money into a guys hand on your way out. Great novelty, really cheap and food isn’t bad at all. Then again all the food in Japan is mind blowing. If you order the devils cake, you can play a roulette game to win prizes on your screen. I won a token to use in the vending machine in front of the restaurant that gave me a sushi stamper. Lord knows, I needed one of those!
IMG_7527 Take a stool!

IMG_7528 Make your order!

IMG_7530 Food arrives

IMG_7735 Ram it in your mouth, enjoy and order more!

Kagaya

Where do I even start with this one. So Mark, the guy who runs the place is bonkers. I rang him up to make a reservation and he immediately nick named me Willy. You arrive and whatever you order on the menu triggers MArk to go off on a complete tangent and do some bat shit crazy improve performance at your while you eat your dinner. Literally, screaming at you while you eat. Will you be entertained? Yes! Will you love it? Depends on who you are but if you are reading this blog then I’m guessing you’re into it. Honestly, a visit to Tokyo is wasted unless you make it to Mark’s bar. The food is good, don’t believe what you read elsewhere but the wacky antics, puppet shows, insane renditions, screaming and improvised shenanigans are what you are here to appreciate.

Kayabukiya Tavern

Nothing complicated about Kayabukiya Tavern. Wait, that’s a complete lie. They have monkey waiters. MONKEY WAITERS! Now, they aren’t always on duty but usually in peak times in the evening they are out serving tables. They weren’t trained for this or anything but rather learned from watching the owner do his thing. There’s also a baby monkey you can feed and play with while the rest pretty much climb all over you. It’s bizarre and definitely worth popping along to. Now, bear in mind it’s actually a lot further outside of Tokyo and something you should do if it’s on your way. Making the trek all the way out may take a while! Sadly I have no original photos, but here’s one below from the net to give you an idea…

Vibe Bar

Don’t mistake the name for an accurate keyword for the atmosphere in this watering hole although you wouldn’t be to far off and I probably shouldn’t be using the term “Watering Hole”. Here you get to view and browse a unique and rather strange array of dildos all over the bar. You got pay a cover charge to get in and I assume it’s for the tea-totalers who want to just pop in and order a water (cheapskates are good in my book by the way…) for a gawk. Now if you particularly fancy a dildo after walking through the large vagina lips to enter the bar, you can of course buy it and bring it home with you. However, no playing with the dildos in the bar. That would just be weird….right, like the bar itself isn’t weird.

Vowz

The only time I put monks together was when I learnt of how Paulaner was made in 1555 my monks in Munich. A yeast heavy beer to stave off fasting hunger pains. However, these two buddhist monks have a very slick bar that only seats a view and serve up a mean selection of drinks. Pop along any evening to see our bald headed spiritual host whip you up some of the finest delights you can sip on. Say a few prayers while you are at it, be a waste not to!

Akihabara

If you float along to this distract that acts as a nerd haven for the fleet of gamers, card collectors, strategy gamers, anime readers and everything else between, it’s not long before you find….it! One minute you are amidst a bunch of collector Dragon Ball Z models and then BAM, floors upon floors of wall to wall anime porn. Massive jugs, “Wattering Holes” and to be honest, too many under age kids. The signs that say adults only aren’t enforced and noone really seems to care. You’ll find dudes lines up all over just gawking between the pages and some even conversing over posters they’re thinking of buying as they move to let cosplay girls move about. I’ve seen a guy on the train reading a very adult comic of school girls doing things school girls have no idea about. Oh Japan….
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Showing the non graphic ones here for obvious reasons

IMG_7685 Awkward….

I’ve only mentioned a few of my experiences here. There are some even better ones out there I’m sure but these are the ones I went along to and can vouch for a mind blowing experience. A few other notable mentions that come to my mind are of cat cafes, bunny cafes, Vampire Cafes, hedge hog cafes, adult anime super stores, blow job/hand job bars (legal in Japan) and cuddle cafes (where you pay far too much money to chill out and cuddle a college girl and nothing else.
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Don’t confuse sex shop with sexy shop! You’ll end up looking very confused when presented a folder with girls to choose!